I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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