I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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