i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
