flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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