dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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