Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
