The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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