My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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