I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
