Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
