there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
