you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
