Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
