I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want her autograph on my taint
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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