Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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