I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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