So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
