I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
