Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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