So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
