Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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