My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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