I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
