My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
