he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
