Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize