I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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