So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
