So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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