is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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