My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
