$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
