Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
