she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
