is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
