I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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