Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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