ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My ATM looks so different sober.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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