bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
