do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
