forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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