Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
