I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
