if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
