I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
