people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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