he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
