he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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