I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
