Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
