It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
