The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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