I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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