my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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