We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
