She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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