can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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