I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
