I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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