I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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