I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
