Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
