I think my vagina is haunted
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
